May 18, 2013

So Much to Process

By Coralie

I have been trying to write this post for two weeks. Jonathan’s classes are over. The mackerdoodle finished school on Friday. Church programs have wrapped up for the summer. The flip flops have replaced the snow boots. So how do I sum up this year?

It has been both, and simultaneously the easiest, most relaxed seminary year, and the craziest, most demanding one. For three years we all ran on Jonathan’s schedule of classes and work and church commitments. This year we had two adults with five jobs and seminary between them, a kid in school, another in speech therapy and the youngest who turned two, which brings a chaos in its own right. I spent Spring semester trying to figure out who was supposed to go where and when I finally got a grasp on it we had Spring break and I never got my rhythm back. I had to face the fact that as a working mother I could neither be the best mother, nor the best employee I wanted to be. It wasn’t that I had to pick one or the other, it’s that I just couldn’t be the best at either.

That being said, I feel like asking “where has this been all my life?” about my job! I have never felt more perfectly suited to a job. I get to write a curriculum for children, plan games and crafts and activities. I get to meet every person with a small child who comes to our church, and build relationships outside of “we’re in seminary.” I am overflowing with ideas and inspiration for communicating the gospel to children and I would have never known I could do that. It has been a beautiful experience.

Next year Jonathan and I are both down one job. I cannot be a teacher’s aide because of Jonathan’s class schedule (in his *last year* of seminary! How did that happen so quickly?”) and the professor for whom he was TAing has left the seminary to return to preaching. On the other hand, my nursery position and Jonathan’s cleaning job are secure and guaranteed to continue. So next school year is a mystery. How will The Lord provide? I am certainly only that he will, because unlike me, He finishes what he starts. Jonathan has the opportunity to do some pulpit supply for June, so my posting will remain sporadic at least until July as we will be living without regular Internet access. It is a wonderful opportunity for Jonathan, and we are so encouraged to be a bit of a respite for this church which has been seeking a pastor for two years.

And after that, we enter the year long countdown of last things before we pack our things and go wherever The Lord has appointed for us to go.

Friday in the van I had a conversation with the mackerdoodle about how God has given us all different types of brains, and he has given her an inquisitive one, of which she should be proud. She responded, “sort of like how God gave Daddy a pastor’s heart and a brain that reads the Bible and turns it into a sermon?”

And that’s really the point of this entire exercise, isn’t it? As much as I am dreading a year of goodbyes, I am praying that it will, in hindsight, be a year of hellos and new opportunities. I pray that it will be a year of people seeing what my mackerdoodle sees and loving both the heart and the brain that The Lord has fashioned as the head of our family. It will be a crazy, and demanding year, because, aren’t they all? But I believe it will also be a year of finishing well, and starting well and being okay with both.

1 comment   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Just Life, parenting, seminary life, Thoughts and Musings

April 17, 2013

Today

By Coralie

Today is my husband’s 40th birthday and he has had very few requests. He wants to eat dinner at church tonight because we haven’t most of the semester and it’s something we really love doing. He wants to have birthday cake with the small group that meets at our house on Thursday evening and he wants to use our AMC gift cards to see some sort of a movie on Saturday.

40 is a milestone, and when I hit 40 next year I intend to mark it in a big way, but for Jonathan there are more important things on his mind, like an ethics paper and a Christ and Salvation paper, and group projects and internship requirements. . . and on and on. Really, a few quiet pleasures are a bigger deal to him right now than a big blowout that would just feel like another obligation.

Unfortunately, last night our mackerdoodle threw up all night, and this morning the cheesedoodle did his best to emulate her – at speech therapy, because throwing up in public is so much better than throwing up in bed. Ick. This rules out dinner plans and really puts a crimp in the over all festive nature of a birthday.

So on his 40th birthday, with papers due and meetings to attend and plans changed or canceled, my husband is snuggled up on the couch, a queasy kid under each arm (and a towel on his lap, just in case) watching The Incredibles. This is one of the many things I love about this man. It doesn’t take much to be content with life when you get to eat your favorite food with your favorite people and then do it all over again in three days. It is the mark of a wonderful husband and father to find joy in a birthday that features someone else’s vomit and canned chicken noodle soup.

Happy Birthday, my love.

2 comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Love and Marriage

March 29, 2013

Book Review: God’s Good Design by Claire Smith

By Coralie

At the outset I have to be very honest. When this book arrived on my doorstep I thought, “ugh. I do not remember saying I would review that one.” I feel like the debate about what women should and should not do within the church has been an unwelcome backdrop to a big portion of my life and I’m tired of the words, tired of the emotionalism and temper tantrums and twisting the word of God into pretzels. I did not want to read this book.

But I am happy I did.

Smith opens her preface asking the same question I asked when the book arrived in the mail. “Why another book on this subject?” Her answer both reassured and compelled me. She answered that this is not a book on the many issues of women in the church, but a text-by-text, verse-by-verse look at the bible passages that address the roles of women in the church. True to her word, following a first chapter of introduction, the book is a refreshing change from the emotionally laden, personal story driven, tomes that dominate both sides of this debate. Instead she opens the word of God and discusses what is actually written there.

There are several things to commend this book. The first is Smith’s insistence on a plain reading of each text. Of course, some texts are plainer than others, and she does purposely begin with the plainest texts, moving to the more obscure, but there is no attempt to obfuscate the text in other direction. Instead, her insistence is on the actual words. She does periodically dig into the original languages, but not as a “magic wand” to make the words say what she wants them to say. Rather she employs Greek to reinforce the plain meaning of the English translations.

Secondly, Smith deals honestly and graciously with the various objections and alternate interpretations of the passages. There is no straw man to be attacked with sarcasm and ridicule; instead she presents objections plainly and addresses them with more scripture and clear logic. While detractors may not find their arguments answered to their satisfaction, they will certainly be forced to evaluate their position and research Smith’s words further.

Finally, Smith is firm about going into the text, but not beyond it. This was a refreshing, and at times convicting, perspective. I have been guilty of taking passages regarding the role of women with the corporate gathering of the church and applying them to other spheres. Claire Smith challenged me gently in this regard, and it was much needed.

I suspect that portions of Claire’s treatment of 1 Corinthians 11 would be met with some debate in many of my readers (all five of you), although I found it to be a clearer exploration of the passage than some others I have read. Regardless, this is hardly the last word on a much discussed subject. It is, however, a wonderfully sane word on the subject, and a much needed and beneficial addition to the ongoing debate.

I don’t usually quote the books I review, because I would be quoting all day, but I want to close with a quote that gives an example of Smith’s style and insight:

One of the fallacies of much feminist ideology is the belief that for two people to be equal, they must do the same thing. There is an assumption that you cannot have differentiation and hierarchy without also having inferiority and superiority of dignity or worth. . . All three persons of the Godhead share in the same being and nature, yet there is an asymmetry within the divine relationships. (P. 61)

In other words, the three persons of the God head are equal, but serve different functions. It is insight like this that marks this as one of the highlights of the many books on this subject.

I received no compensation for this post. I was provided a paperback edition for the purpose of review. I was not required to provide a positive one. I keep a disclosure statement here.

6 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Book Reviews

March 27, 2013

Closing of a Door

By Coralie

All of the doodles have dropped their naps near the 2 year mark. The mackerdoodle was a little before, but as is the case with first time parents and first born children it took us a little while to recognize the signs. The cheesedoodle was a little after. I thought that maybe the snickerdoodle would break with tradition and nap into her third year like I hear some children do, but it is not to be. She lay in her bed for 45 minutes this afternoon without so much as a long blink. I suspect she’ll be completely nap free before her second birthday next month.

There is a sense in which I am, not exactly sad, but certainly a little pensive regarding this transition. When the mackerdoodle left behind her nap her brother was a sleepy newborn and when he dropped his nap, I was trying to negotiate the snickerdoodle’s Pavlik harness sleep positions. But here we are at a place where no naps for one means no naps for all and that is a bit of a closing of a door.

It is, however, a welcome closing of a door. Yes, it is saying goodbye to the sweet cuddly baby years, but having a child in school and another one napping becomes quite the juggling act some days. No naps make two services on Sunday far more easily managed. It makes hospitality (both giving and receiving) less cumbersome and in general is just easier to plan life.

This evening, however, I remembered the main reason I have enjoyed transition out of naps with each of my children. Last night it took the snickerdoodle 45 minutes of somersaults and singing to fall asleep. Tonight it was 4.5 minutes from turning out the lights to snores. That is a door that I am happy to close!

1 comment   |  tags: , , , , | posted in parenting

March 18, 2013

Book Review: Galatians For You by Tim Keller

By Coralie

Galatians for You is a devotional style commentary written not by a scholar, although Keller does have an advanced degree, but by a pastor. It is written, so we learn in the introduction, to read, to feed and/or to lead. One could read it from cover to cover as a stand alone book, use it as a devotional or for personal mediation on the book of Galatians, or use it as a reference tool among other excellent references available in preparation for leading a study or small group discussion.

The layout is interesting and very user friendly. Portions of the text are grouped together and the chapter and verse designations are listed in the header of each page for that section, (ie, Galatians 1:1-9 is the first section) but the individual verse references are printed in bold type throughout the text, allowing a reader to scan a page and quickly identify the specific verse or passage being sought. Additionally, words that may need further definition are printed in grey, identifying them as words found in the glossary at the back of the book. Finally for each group of verses, there are two sets of questions for reflection or meditation.

Despite the first possible use of the book, I found it very difficult to simply read this book cover to cover for the purpose of review, primarily because it references back to Galatians so often (a positive thing in a devotional or reference book) that I was continually stopping to read the mentioned passage. While it may be possible to read it through, it is not the strongest use of this book, nor is it the best way to explore the book of Galatians.

As a reference book this one is pretty basic. It assumes no advance knowledge of biblical history, or even the biblical narrative, and takes a pretty simple approach to the original languages and cultural context of the book. I would hope that by the time someone was preparing to lead a group of any size, they would be beyond a book of this type and able to use and understand a more traditional commentary and other reference materials, such as the excellent works mentioned in the bibliography of this one.

However, as a devotional, or small group study, this is a wonderful resource. I would highly recommend it for new believers who want to study the bible, but don’t know where to begin. Keller’s approachable language, coupled with the useability of the layout, make it a wonderful tool for both new believers, or for those who have read books about the bible, or collections of devotional thoughts, but have infrequently (or never) walked verse by verse through an entire book of the bible. The questions for reflection are probing and open enough for group discussion, and are always on point. The text is covered completely, and chronologically, but also applicably, and personally.

This is one of a series of “for you” titles coming from Tim Keller and The Good Book Company. I hope they will bring with them a renewed interest in this sort of verse by verse study of the Bible.

I received no compensation for this post. I was provided a hardback edition for the purpose of review. I was not required to provide a positive one. I keep a disclosure statement here.

2 comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Book Reviews

March 13, 2013

Slow and Steady Answers to Prayer

By Coralie

It’s our weekly event. I walk through the doors and they recognize me and the Cheesedoodle immediately. I don’t even have to check in anymore. They see me and send the page to let the Cheesedoodle’s speech therapist know we’re here. We’re approaching the 2 year mark in therapy, and in the week to week of it, it’s easy to lose sight of the progress he has made. When he’s still struggling to be understood at church events and even within the family. When he is obviously struggling to make himself known, and finally gives up. When he won’t sing his favorite songs with the family, because making words fit with everyone else and keeping to rhythm and tempo is exhausting for him. When I realize that he knows almost the entire alphabet, but I haven’t been understanding what he’s been saying to me. When the snickerdoodle comes out, spontaneously, with polysyllabic words like “yogurt” or “bumblebee” and I realize she’s close to passing him in articulation, (although not vocabulary). When all of these things happen I can get frustrated and wonder why we even make the weekly trek out to the Child Development Center for an hour each week.

But in the long view, the strides he’s made in less than 2 years is pretty amazing. When we started this journey he said nothing at all, and replaced everything with a closed mouth “mmmm” sound. The Lord has brought him a long way, and has used an amazing speech therapist as one of his tools in that.

Last week the mackerdoodle asked her brother what one his toys was named. He thought for a minute and then said, “He-man.” They both giggled together about a starfish named “he-man” and ran off to play some strange hybrid of princesses and superheroes and Star Wars. You know, like you do.

On Friday we had a busy morning with a lot of friends, so we let the Cheesedoodle take some down time in the afternoon to recharge his introvert cells. His choice was to watch something on Netflix (he is his father’s son) but he insisted that I sit beside him on the couch. “Me need you, Mama!” were his exact words, and what mama could resist. At some point, I realized that my right hip was trying to climb the arm of the couch while the Cheesedoodle’s head slowly bored a hole in my left arm pit. I looked down at the yards of empty couch stretching just beyond my son’s blonde head and asked if he could move over, just a little, to give me more room. He shifted his narrow behind a micrometer, and looked at me, adoringly, and said, “Dere. Now you gots WOTS space! From here (he pointed to himself) to over dere (he pointed to the arm of the couch.)” and he snuggled back under my arm, turning back to the continuing adventures of the Voltron Force.

I was overwhelmed with gratitude for a slow and steady answer to prayer that reveals itself in single sounds stretched out over years, but combine into wonderful exchanges that reveal my son’s mind and heart. There have been some miraculous and instant answers to prayer in our life, but this day in and day out healing is no less wonderful.

I am reminded that this is a better picture of how God is normally at work. While he does do big and sudden and spectacular, he is working in our life day in and day out to make us more like Christ. The transforming of our minds, the putting off the old self and putting on the new, the fruit of the spirit, are all accomplished slowly, and steadily over the day in and day out regular pace of life. The Lord is at work – in my cheesedoodle, in me, in us – transforming and healing us bit by bit.

2 comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in Family and Friends

March 8, 2013

Book Review: Freeing Tangled Hearts by Dolores Kimball

By Coralie

The tag line on Freeing Tangled Hearts is “Only by taking our eyes off of ourselves and focusing on God can our tangled hearts truly be freed.” It is a fitting, if counter cultural, summary of the content you will find within.

Kimball opens the book by clearly laying out her worldview and defining how that will shape the chapters that follow. She is clear in her assertions that the root of our emotional turmoil is the curse of sin, and as fallen humans we can do nothing to untangle our own hearts. Having laid out these foundational premises, Kimball enters into her “five point cure for a tangled heart.” 1. Examine to see if you are separated from God. 2. Recognizing that we are in a spiritual battle. 3. Manage our emotions instead of letting the manage us. 4. “Refuse to think of ourselves” – a quote from Martin Lloyd-Jones and finally 5. Put on the truths of God.

I found myself in hearty agreement with Kimball and her early presuppositions. Because we approach the subject of emotional care with a similar worldview I found myself skimming over the passages in which she defends it. That is a weakness on my part, not on hers. Filled with personal, poignant illustrations, and excellent biblical instruction, this is an easy read, but not an easy read -if you know what I mean. Witten clearly and laid out in a straightforward and easily progressing manner, the words themselves are easy to read; but I am afraid that too many women who desperately need this book will find the ideas too challenging and refuse to continue to read the words.

I have only two reservations about Freeing Tangled Hearts.

The first is with her first point, handled in the first two chapters. While calling women to seek the fruit of the Spirit in their lives and examine their lives for the works if sanctification that would give evidence of a redeemed heart – the only kind of heart that can be untangled – Kimball fails to give any counsel or direction to the woman who may be unsure if she is, in fact, separated from God. The middle of chapter 2 contains this startling transition: “. . . no amount of advice or counseling will solve your problems if your biggest problem is that you are separated from God. . . But once salvation is reasonably assured, you can begin the process of moving forward with the understanding that you do have the power of the Holy Spirit. . .” (P. 30). Now, please understand that I completely agree with all of these concepts, but surely we must also include the encouragement that if we believe we are separated from God we can surely call on the name of The Lord to be saved (Romans 10:13).

My second reservation is with less with concept, and more with placement. Kimball’s final point is to put on the truth of God. Again, I agree completely with the concept, and found her illustrations in the chapter to be completely fantastic. In fact I think it is the strongest chapter of the entire book, and I wish it had appeared far earlier. The chapters on managing our emotions would have been so much stronger with the concept of putting on truth to replace the emotional tangles interwoven throughout.

Those two points aside, it is a strong book, with a much needed message for today’s increasingly narcissistic, emotionally tangled society. If the “listen to your heart and do what feels right” brand of emotional care is leaving you more tangled than ever, this is your book. But read it all, right to the end, because Dolores Kimball saves the best for last.

I received no compensation for this post. I was provided a paperback edition for the purpose of review. I was not required to provide a positive one. I keep a disclosure statement here.

5 comments   |  tags: , , , , | posted in Book Reviews

March 4, 2013

Some Contemporary Peace From an “Archaic” Document

By Coralie

I have lately been reading through the Westminster Confession of Faith as a devotional. I realize that this is not how most people would see that particular document, Anyway, here is an example of the great comfort I draw from words written hundreds of years ago.

In Chapter 5, Section 7 it reads: “As the providence of God doth, in general, reach to all creatures; so, after a most special manner, it taketh care of his church, and disposeth all things to the good thereof.”

The modern English Version says: “As, in general, the providence of God reaches to all creatures, so, in a very special way, it cares for his church and disposes all things for its good.”

It is such a comfort to see scripture opened to me apart from the culture tinted lenses through which I read it. I have always viewed the promises in Romans 8:28, among other places, to be on an individual level. The Lord will work all things according to my personal good. The Westminster Divines, however, saw this as a corporate promise. The Lord, they propose, works all things together for our good.

I find this so encouraging! Why are we called to bear one another’s burdens? Because they are all working together for our good, and God’s glory. I have often fallen into the trap of believing that because someone else is struggling and I am not, that I am stronger and they are more in need of sanctification; you know, because God is working all this out for their good, right? Suddenly I see the folly in that. Their suffering is for our sanctification, corporately; possibly including my personal sanctification in the area of pride.

Yes, it is true that God is concerned with my personal growth in Christ-like-ness; but I am only a part of the body, only a brick in the temple. Yahweh is in the process of perfecting His bride, and that includes, but is not limited to, me. What a peace- filled adjustment in my perspective.

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , | posted in Thoughts and Musings

February 22, 2013

An Unexpected Trip to Memory Lane

By Coralie

Maybe it’s my age, or maybe it’s the uncertainty of seminary, or maybe it’s that The Lord is finally managing to soften my heart enough for the feelings to break through a little more. Whatever the cause, I am finding myself startled by unexpected nostalgia for the part of rural Canada in which I grew up.

It’s mostly strange things that trigger it. Some of the footage in a documentary on wolverines that the mackerdoodle requested (yes, really) made me suddenly flash back to floating down the river on an inner tube with the youth group. (although I never did that with a wolverine – just to be clear)

The freak blizzard in Saint Louis this week that gave us two snow days didn’t make me nostalgic, but riding a sled down a tame hill with my youngest daughter clinging to me in terror made me suddenly want to build a bonfire and cook gallons of hot cocoa. You know. Like you do when you live in a place that gets a lot of winter.

But the thing that really got to me this week was a random tweet from a guy I knew a long time ago, linking to the blog of a young woman who wasn’t born when i graduated from high school. If she remembers me at all, it is as my sister’s sister or as Audrey’s adopted “niece”, but she’s a young woman from my hometown, and my home church and she’s playing basketball on scholarship at Oregon State, so of course I clicked through. What I was expecting was a quick peek into the life of a college athlete/hometown girl made good. Instead I was hit full in the heart with a wave of memories.

If you just clicked that link and didn’t grow up in our town and church, it’s a post about an appreciated care package, but for me it was a time machine. I remembered the annual announcements of donations to the college student care packages, and the annual care package stuffing parties that my mother would attend. It was a part of the rhythm of our church year, and so a part of mine. At the same time, like one home movie super imposed on another, I am remembering the two years in a row that I was the recipient of one of those treasured, hand packed, cardboard treasure chests of love. I have no memory of the trivialities it contained, but I clearly remember reading and re-reading the hand written notes from a church family I was only just learning to appreciate.

The funny thing is, I didn’t have a conscious memory of the February care packages. It was something that had been buried in 20 years of living and learning and becoming a different person; Until Blaine’s tweet about Ruth’s blog post dynamited the strata of my mind and unearthed something beautiful.

I love that so many years, and so many students and three pastors later, the Baptist church in my little home town is still sending these boxes of love. Considering this is a region in which tradition is mostly viewed as the enemy, it is a tribute to the grace of this covenant community that Ruth and I share this beautiful memory more than 20 years apart.

My parents don’t live there anymore, and it’s a part of the world one doesn’t exactly pass through, so I don’t know that I will have the opportunity to go back; but thanks to a tweet and a blog post, this week I took a quick trip “back home” and it was a lovely visit.

1 comment   |  tags: , , | posted in Thoughts and Musings

February 2, 2013

Stand Up to . . .

By Coralie

How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.
Henry David Thoreau – personal journal of August 19, 1851.

I have notebooks filled with things I have written since high school. Most of it is very, very bad, but there are some occasional germs of ideas that could develop into something worth reading. I spent so much time filling those notebooks with words that I began to believe the words themselves deserved to be noticed, and I deserved to be applauded as their author. I tried, in fits and starts, to convince the world that my words had value. I entered contests and joined online discussion forums and read books and did all the things that young writers are supposed to do. Each time I received a similar response: “she can string a sentence together. But there is a lot more to writing than that.”

In 2005 I was hired to be a permanent substitute English teacher – a position that came with its own classroom of empty walls and bare bookshelves. I decorated those walls with quotes from famous authors, including the Thoreau quote found above. As I hung it in a prominent position in my room, I was struck that at 31 I had spent so much time sitting down to write, but had not deliberately stood up to live.

Interestingly, the more I “stood up to live,” the more I had to write. This blog was started a year later and has been most successful when I sit down to blog about the the life I have been living on my feet. When I try to “arm chair quarterback” things, I tend to fall on my backside in a most unflattering manner. If I could go back in time and speak to the me in 1997 who was so convinced I would be a screenwriter before my 30th birthday, I would say this:

“Get out of that office chair. Put down that ringed notebook and the index cards of plot points. Stand up and live and the words will come, but if you sit there like that, life will pass you by and the words will escape you.”

Until recently, however, I have seen the two things as conflicting priorities. Either live a productive life, or write. Either achieve the to do list, or write the words. I found myself filled with words while I did my chores, but the second I sat down to write them, my mind was as blank as the screen I was staring at. It was a frustrating tension in which I felt that I was doing nothing well.

Now that I find myself with actual real writing to do (more on that in the future when I have pesky things like details) I struggled with this idea that writing meant not folding laundry or doing dishes or sweeping the floor. Then, two weeks ago, when I left my iPad sitting on the kitchen counter, I blogged more than I have since going back to work. When I relegated the iPad to “entertainment” and decided I would only write at my laptop in my properly assigned work space, I didn’t blog for 15 days.

I suddenly realized that I write better on my feet. I blogged this in snatched sentences while washing dishes and wiping counters and sweeping floors. Saturday morning in the middle of writing, I stopped mid sentence to lay out an obstacle course for my kids in the basement (which doubled as research for work. Best. Job. Ever!) and came back with sentences pouring out of my brain and dripping from my fingertips. It is not just vanity to sit down to write, these days. It is, for me at least, impractical and the first step to writer’s block.

It is not that I have decided to live instead of writing. It is that I have made the conscious decision to write while I am living. I write until the words run out, and then I get up and wipe my counters or fold some clothes, or sweep the floor, until the words come again. It is surprising to me that in doing so, I am doing more of both, and in better quality.

It should not surprise me, then, to read a quote from Agatha Christie – an author who should in no way other than this be compared to Thoreau – in which she said, “the best time to plan a book is while doing the dishes.”

To that I say, how vain it is to sit down to write when I have not first stood up to wash the dishes. . .

1 comment | posted in Thoughts and Musings

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 196 other followers